REJECTED. REJECTED. YOU JUST GOT REJECTED.
I’m just going to outright say it. It sucks. Plain and simple.
It is over thinking about every single move that you could have done differently. It is analyzing every single what if. It is looking inwardly and pointing every single finger at yourself.
It is when crying turns into sobbing. It is jaw clenching, lungs expanding, heart beating out of your chest because ‘why is this happening?”.
It is terrible. And it sucks. There is no other way to put it.
As tears streamed down my face, I shouted questions at the stars as I sat in my parked car on the top floor of the garage. I could feel my body become hot with frustration, as my lungs kept trying to catch the air. I leaned my head against the rim of the steering wheel as I tried to slow my heart rate down and control the sobs.
Once I pulled it together, I walked to my apartment. Texts began to swarm in from my friends and family…”I’m so sorry, Jess” “You know, there’s probably just something better coming”. I turned on the shower. I could see the steam begin to fog the mirrors. Then I stepped in and sat on the floor as the hot water fell over me. I don’t know how long I sat there, but my fingers were pruned and my skin was red. I was hurting and I didn’t know how to fix it.
Did you know feeling rejected is not much different from actual pain? Studies of MRI scans have shown that the same areas of the brain that respond to physical pain also react to being hurt by rejection. As far as your brain is concerned, a broken heart is no different than a broken arm.
I know I did.
September is always a struggle for me, but this one has been particularly challenging.
I’ve been in the process of looking for a new job, and I can tell you there is nothing more emotionally and physically exhausting then trying to explain the greatness of everything you are in 8×11 inches, waking up early for interviews across town, and finally opening an email with the subject line that might as well just say, “You were great, but not great enough.” So you start from step one again, and this time you smile a little more and you remember to talk about why people should want you. You go home and feel confident, because this is the one. And open that next email and your hands start to shake because you think about the future and how this would be the perfect match. Weekends off. Evenings that you can dedicate to your church and family. And again reading “You were great, but…” You don’t even have to finish.
My heart began to ache and was filled with feeling unwanted, blindsided, and desperate. Seriously, hope seemed to be right there in front of me but it was unattainable. These plans, dreams, and desires for the future were too good to be true.
But that wasn’t true.
Listen to me when I tell you….rejection sucks. It hurts like heck. But kiddo, IT IS NOT FOREVER. Today you will feel like a walking catastrophe, but soon you will be basking in blessing.
THERE IS PAIN IN THE NIGHT AND JOY IN THE MORNING.
And the maker of the moon, the stars, the oceans, and the mountains, hears you and says, “My beloved, just wait. You have no idea what I have in store. It hurts right now but it is not forever.”
On Sunday, I opened up an email that could’ve read “You were more than great enough. Here’s all your dreams and plans and desires wrapped in a bow. We hope you like it.”
It gets better. So be patient. Rinse the day off of your skin, because tomorrow is new.
Plain and simple.
There is no other way to put it.