A little over a month ago, I found myself reading an email that left my heart in shambles. As tears blurred my vision, I wrote a blog called “The One About Things Not Going As Planned”. It was real, and honest about the defeat I felt from being rejected after ultimately becoming runner up to a job I really wanted. I put all my eggs in one basket and relaxed on God, thinking that this was it. He would take it the rest of the way. But He shut the door, leaving me in a purgatory between college student and adulthood.
I was pushed back to square one where I was once again filling out resumes and applications, praying that I could describe myself in such a way that would actually be reflective of everything I am.
It was a long month of heart ache, feeling as if something had just slipped through my fingers, and blaming myself for not being good enough, and crying rivers into my pillow asking God over and over again, “Why?” and begging Him to show me the plan, to direct my feet.
I really hope you would go back and read it because without the bitter the sweet isn’t as sweet. And let me just tell you, my God does not withhold the sweet. He is a cherry on top kind of God.
In order to understand such a picture, I need to take you back to September at Genesis Metro Church’s Sisterhood retreat at Alasso Ranch. I built up a lot of excitement for that weekend, but I can tell you the devil was on the attack. The morning of retreat, I went to school and accidentally knocked over a classmate’s coffee onto my computer with my backpack. It was a careless mistake. As the screen of my computer faded to black, I instantly felt sick. My life was on that computer. All my projects for school. My photos from my photography business. And all my pictures from the past 5 years that I had ever taken were on there. But most of all my pictures and letters for Jimmy and Alicia. I can’t even begin to describe to you the hopelessness I felt.
There was nothing I could do. At that point the plan was to leave it at the church for Patrick to see if he could fix while we were away.
On the last night of retreat, as we worshiped we were to go up and grab an envelope containing a verse that had been specifically prayed over to end up in the right hands. Before heading up to pick mine out of the basket, I prayed the Lord would speak to me. That after a long, terrible, worry filled weekend, He would show up in a mighty way and quiet my racing mind. I peeled back the baby blue paper to reveal the content inside.
Beloved, “The Lord will provide”. Just as God provided a sacrifice for Abraham, the Lord will provide for you if you remain obedient. Then you can proclaim, “on the mountain of the Lord, He will give us what we need” because He has been true to keep His promises.Genesis 22:14.
I sat in my seat, comforted, and confident knowing the God saw me and that He was still in control.
Well at least until the next morning. I received a text saying my computer was broken, but my hard drive was fine. Which in reality was more than a miracle but still I cried softly, and bitterly. This wasn’t how I wanted God to perform. But still I knew I had everything I needed. I took a breath of relief, and bowed my head. Humbling myself. “God, if this is it, this is enough. Thank you.”
One month later, I was walking to class on campus, when a catering company’s truck happened to be driving out of the parking lot where I was crossing. God was making his message obvious. It felt like He was holding my face with His hands, with our foreheads almost touching, speaking “Listen, Jessie, I said I was going to provide for you. And I will. Just wait. Just watch. There’s more.” As the truck turned the corner, I stood in awe as I read the name painted around their doors, “Jehovah Jirah.”
Fast forward to the end of the semester, I graduated from UTD with a Bachelor’s in Business Admin and started putting in resumes. After a period of time, doubting myself, and thinking no one wanted me, I got not one…but three calls in one day asking to set up interviews. Seriously, I was blown away by all the praise and attention and was excited to take the next step in my journey. Over the span of a couple weeks, I had several interviews with different organizations, and advanced to the next stages of multiple positions. I was on my game, and I knew God was behind me, fighting for me. This was it. You said you would, God, and here you are showing off. I felt like I was on the mountain.
That’s when God began testing. There were these paths that I began walking down that held a bunch of dead ends and U-turn signs, and subsquently I found myself time and time back at the beginning. I began trying to pave my own paths. Filling out every application I could touch, not caring it if was right for me or even what I wanted. I was desperate.
That very desperation guided me into diving deeper into His word, while I waited for His will. As frustrating and exhausting as the process was, I wanted that provision He promised.
Weeks later, I ended up in the seats of the C3 Conference hosted by Fellowship Church, where Bil (with one L) Cornelius got up on the second day and preached about none other than Abraham and Isaac. I CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP, PEOPLE! He said, “You will think you know a better way. But God will say “Just do what I told you. Just go! I know my way might seem impossible but that’s because I want to interrupt your life with a miracle. Do everything I told you to do first, then I’ll move. Do your part, and I’ll take it from there.”
Oh I long to have the faith of Abraham who even before he put Isaac on the alter, answered with confidence expectation “God will provide a sheep for the burnt offering.” He didn’t know the plan, but he knew the promise. He moved in obedience, believing God was up to something bigger and better.
Today, I find myself busting at the seams, and overflowing with joy because God quite literally took it from there and has blessed me with abundantly more. I have recently gotten a full time job as an Event Coordinator at Main Event – Frisco, just blocks away from my church AND I just signed a lease for my first apartment in Frisco Square and will be moving in April 1st. I look back on the months past and can see God knew the problem, before I knew the problem. I thought my computer was the only thing needing fixing and that I would never find a job that would be everything that I wanted AND needed. God just began opening so many doors, windows too even…just because He could.
Let me just tell you, you should always assume God will move. Because He promised the ram. He has become the scapegoat. He will make a way when there seems to be no way.
There will be a time where you will be stuck in the Saturday. You will feel like you are without purpose, and you will feel unloved. There will be days where it will be hard to get out of bed because the monotony is so overwhelming. You will cry for greener grass, and you will dream dreams that will make you sad because they seem that far out of reach. You will replay the the promises made but not yet fulfilled over and over again like a broken record in your head. And you will scream to the stars, “Why?”.
But I hope you find promise in knowing that Sunday is coming. That Saturday is tough, but Sunday is triumphant.
The obstacle is the way to God’s will. It’s going to be tough, hard, bitter, exhausting, but in the end it will be more than what you ever expected. It will be whipped creamed, sprinkles, hot fudge, and a cherry on top sweet. You will look back and wonder how it was even possible for life to be this good. You will be amazed by God and happy with how you have come. You will think it was silly that you doubted that you even doubt what God could do and how He could deliver.
He has promised to provide even when things don’t go as planned. And it is now that I proclaim, “on the mountain of the Lord, He will give us what we need” because He has been true to keep His promises.