The One About Letting Go Of The Best Year Of My Life

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To be honest, 2015 was, without a doubt, the best year of my life.

I bought my first car, hosted my first 5k for suicide prevention, turned 21 at the perot museum with my sisters, and graduated from college. I traveled to Georgetown, Colorado, Pineywoods, Houston, Galveston, Hawkins, Austin and Colorado again. Got to slide down a thousand foot slip and slide in Dallas, and rode a giant swing with two fearless girls. I bought a cupcake out of an ATM, set off fireworks, choreographed the most awesome glow stick dance Frisco Texas has ever seen, and sat 4th row on the 40 yard line of the Cowboys stadium. I got to experience Fall Out Boy, Rascal Flatts, All Time Low, and Sleeping with sirens with my closest friends, and got to meet Mayday Parade, and the inspiring Jamie Tworkowski. And that’s not even all of it.

But as much as this year was filled with great opportunity, it was also filled with great struggle and even greater loss. I won’t forget the hospitals, the brave faces, the prayers and the funerals.

Its been such a hectic journey for me. It was a journey of pain, and of self discovery, of healing, but most importantly laughter.
Life is not always easy, but there are these moments when you throw your head back and laugh uncontrollably. And those are the moments we must count on and look forward to when we need help getting through difficult days. The moments when you can forget the world is so hard because all that makes sense is laughter. 2015 taught me to count on laughter and the healing that comes with it. I know I survived on laughter this year, of mine, and also of yours.
So as we count down to a moment, a new year holding the promise of change. I cling to those giggle laced memories I’m leaving behind. Instead of dreaming of transformation and of difference, I ache for similarity and equivalence cause I couldn’t have wished for a better year.
I feel like I’m starting again, on a new chapter, and its terrifying but exciting all at the same time. Maybe 2016 will surprise me. Maybe I’m going to accomplish my goals. Maybe I will conquer mountains, and realize I can swim even in deep waters. Maybe I will achieve more than I ever thought possible, and maybe I will become a more refined version of myself.  Maybe I will find an abundance of joy, happiness, and of course that laughter. And maybe, just maybe it all just gets better from here.
Ready?
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
The next adventure starts now.

 

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